Silenzio Report

Girls of our past, women of today…

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Illustration from iStockphoto

At my 29 years old, I finally discovered the marvel of on-line social networking. In the process I had the pleasure to stumble upon old friends with new attitudes. I haven’t seen some of them even for ten years. Some changed for the better and some for the worse. I felt happy for some and sorry for others.

After only two days of Facebook, a similar situation of two of my friends, draw my attention. I noticed that both shared a common suffering – the failure of their personal life. The intimate disaster those two young women are going through manifests in anxiety, discontent and emotional self-mutilation, symptoms I saw in other women of our days.

My two good friends do not know each other, but they share in common a lot of things. Both of them are in their late twenties, they are highly educated, both work for important multinational companies, they earn very well, both traveled the world and interacted with educated and interesting people, both of them are very good professionals in what they do.

Besides all that, both of them are beautiful. Each one of them has its own personal charm that could easily veil you and make you dizzy till the point you could whisper “I love you!”

The thing is that in one way or the other, love does not work for them, and that is a tragedy. Reaching this point I asked my self why two beautiful and successful young women are still tormented like some teenagers that constantly live the chills of emotional and bodily dissatisfaction? Once asked the question I realized the epic proportions of the problem and the fact that this is an urban disease of our days, manifested in both, men and women. This sickness, these feelings of discontent and emotional suffering so wide spread, are the result of those many wrong things of our days that we, as urban people have to face. Unfortunately it’s obvious that our beautiful women are more affected than men, by this sickness, because they have to fight one more enemy – the biological clock.

Beyond our social, cultural, emotional or any other differences, today we are trapped in an infernal race with ourselves and the rest of the world. We have to do this and that, to reach goals, to fight with each other, to succeed, to perform for money, fame or success, because if we gain enough wealth we can deal with anything else, right? Even if we admitted or not, we continue to dance in this crazy dance, in this sick western play, and without knowing we waste our precious time running every single day in this infernal race towards wealth and success, making those necessary compromises, feeling more and more tired and useless, until the point we can not feel anymore the simple beauty and happiness that surrounds us every day and is present in all those simple things. Thank God for the middle age crisis! I think this is the last emergency resort built-in ourselves.

Regarding my two single and beautiful friends, with the risk to seem misogynist, I am ready to formulate a theory. This theory, reaches just one of the many problems I was talking about, but I believe this one problem is the source of the rest. This theory is based on the premise that after a certain age love must have a purpose, that could be a family, a child as a fruit of love. So, I asked my self a question: “As a man of today, I would want to build a family with a career woman?” Before answering that question I must confess that the correct answer is another question: “What kind of a man can love a career woman?” Because I am sure that hundreds of books are already available on this subject, I will answer the first question and I will try to be as objective as can, and keeping, I hope the XXI century man perspective.

So, the obvious answer is no. I do not wish to build my family with a career woman. As reality so often demonstrates traditional family fail in the complicated world of today. It is sad but it’s also true. And I don’t think that this is a stereotype of the eastern man. This failure of the family as our parents know it happens everywhere in the western world and this social disaster is, in my opinion, the single greatest threat to our civilization. So forget Bin Laden and check out the divorce rate in your country, find out what happens with the children caught in the middle. So what is wrong? I do not believe that modern woman or the feminine emancipation movement should bear the entire blame for this grave imbalance in our society. But I believe that somewhere, somehow something is terrible wrong with this picture.

Risking to exaggerate I can compare the feminine emancipation movement with the communism – theoretically is ok, practically is a mess. I think is natural that women benefit from all chances and opportunities to succeed in whatever endeavor they might embark, but I also consider that it is not fair for anyone to consider men and women as equals, and to demand from our women to work for at least eight hours per day, to earn well, to love us enough to cook for us, to have sex with us when we are in the mood, to bear our children and to raise them, come on! But still, we all agree that somebody has to do all those things and much more. So how do we cope with that?

First of all everything is based on a premise so wrong that the bankruptcy of that idea subdued entire nations and has brought despair and suffering for millions of people – I talk about the idea of equality. We all are equals, the cornerstone of communism. It took fifty years of atrocities and cynical social experiments to reach the conclusion that people are not equal and any system based on that idea will eventually fail, because is in spite of the natural order. In my opinion, as a person born and raised in a former communist country, it is a crime to defend and support any theory based on the equality among people.

We are not equal! We are not born equal and we will never be equal. We are unique individuals; each and every one of us, and our strength and beauty comes from that. Only from that infinite variety of personalities we can search and reach for the better humans inside ourselves. Only from the clashes between diversities we can enjoy the never-ending spectacle of life, learn from each other and evolve. If we were equals, we were the same. What can I admire, what can I learn and love about someone the same as me? Any attempt to make people equals in one way or the other is an attempt against nature itself and as long as we stay human in spirit we will never be equals.

In the real world, in nature, since the humans start studying its many faces of existence it was not found a single equality situation. There are no two identical or equal structures, forms or animal social systems, from atomic level to planetary level. Every single thing is different and I think is normal that in this rich and beautiful diversity we exist as human beings, as strong and not alike sentient individuals with a destiny and purpose. We live in a well structured system, we are an important part of bigger organism, and we live in a greater order where we have a place in a natural hierarchy. People will never be equal and instead of trying to organize our selves in little boxes, instead of engaging in all sorts of conflicts based on artificial needs, we should celebrate our diversity, we should challenge our inequalities trying to better our selves as people and recognize the inequality as the main reason to evolve.

So, to support the theory of equality between men and women is an aberration that costs each and every one of us the eternal unrest of the soul, the ever-present emotional failure, the endless sorrow that makes us unstable, trapped in a precarious existence, unable to reach, touch and understand the greater things in life, unable to reach our purpose, our meaning, unable to evolve. Maybe the real issue is if we are not equals who is on top? Or maybe why do we feel the need to label and rank everything? To avoid this hierarchy we as a society accepted that men and women are equals, fact that is against nature.

I do not believe in this label of social equality between men and women. I believe in the extraordinary of an individual, I believe in the strength and determination to go forward, to fight and overcome any obstacle, I believe in the power of will and the force of a dream, I believe in the person, men or women. I believe in the woman as an extraordinary being, as the quintessential force of life. I know that many times women are better that men, they have a stronger psyche and a stronger will.

It’s very important to understand the distinction between the individual and the majority. The individual is always extraordinary while the majority is always mediocre.

Knowing that, I can not get over the fact that in our days most women see emancipation as a short cut for success. I saw educated women navigating through the muddy waters of corporate social systems, using their sexuality to cut a corner or two, advancing in hierarchy making compromises, only to assume the status of a modern and successful woman. It happens more that ever that women, stripped of those ancient and unfashionable decent preconceptions to take advantage of their sexuality, using it as bargain chip for material gain, turning its emancipation into a meaningless joke. And the waited respect and consideration of men will always remain an untouchable goal, as long as, generally speaking, the emancipated woman is perceived to be the equal of a whore, even by other women.

Unfortunately, being charmed by the mirage of materialist comfort, the modern women seems they had forgotten about their quintessential ability, her primordial goal and reason for existence, that of bringing new life into this world. This true miracle of existence should be enough to ease the soul and bring fulfillment for a woman and a man also. This extraordinary ability should be enough to celebrate the woman in all her splendor. Because of the fact that woman can carry inside her body new life, the men will never be her equals. And because nature, in its infinite wisdom, always has a compensation law, blessed the man with superior physical abilities, necessary for the existence in the first ancient world. Someone had to hunt, to bring food, to make fire and to protect his most precious treasure – his woman, because only her has the supreme gift, and even we admitted or not, all our manly efforts, are concentrated around providing for a woman. God damn it! We built our entire civilization for them, we invented machines and built cities, we fought wars and died them. Everything in one way or the other is about a woman. Even our so manly egos are fueled by the magic of a woman touch.

This is where our superiority as men comes from. We had to be better, stronger, more able and determinate, for you and our children. But here we are today, facing mixed emotions in a world where everything is possible and the normal became the aberration. Today we hunt no more, the physique is obsolete, the men and women are obsolete, and the world is more complicated that ever. We live for little pieces of paper so we can buy things that we don’t need. We gave away our uniqueness to live a second-hand life in a strange gray world where others tell us how to live. We are drifting lost in a sea of incertitude, we have lost our purpose, we have abandoned our path, we have turned away from our destiny, just to be accepted by a mediocre majority, just to blend in a labeled world, and now we are driven like cattle through the paved boulevards of our metropolis.

Leaving the Apocalypse aside for the moment, there is this one thing that troubles me. Why a woman would rather accept dirty compromises, would sacrifice her self for the label of being a successful woman, when just being her feminine self could have and control any great man? And if the answer is the most precious independence allow me to suggest that independence is just as a false idea like the equality. In the best case scenario a woman is just as independent as any employee. In the worst case scenario the compromises made for securing that independence would destroy any human being, especially a woman.

I understand the need for freedom but we all agree that we are social beings and because of that we live every single second of our life, since the moment we are born, in a state of interdependency of others – our parents, our friends, our loved one. We all agree that we need one another but we do not accept anymore to trust our selves with each other’s love. Instead we have learned to reject that, because we saw other people get hurt, we were told that we are stronger that, we don’t need to expose ourselves to this kind of suffering, because if you want to be loved, first you have to give love, and when you do that you are vulnerable. It’s so much easy to pursue the material happiness. It’s so fashionable to be a modern, active and urban person. We know how to do it because the ads told us. We learned from Hollywood how a person should look, should speak, what should do, and most importantly what to want. So is absolutely normal to get a diamond as the greatest proof of love, we saw it in the movies, a rock is most precious that a tear. And so we started to live our second hand life, where our wants and needs are substituted by synthetic digital desires we must pursue in the name of consuming.

Because of the fact that people are misguided and driven on such strange ways the social balance is gravely damaged, because people are raised into life having certain expectations that will never be able to accomplish. So we learn slowly, failure after failure to live in the misery of our broken dreams the only result being personal alienation and constant conflict between what we wish and what we have. In this situation normal and natural social interaction between people is not working anymore. We send the wrong messages and we receive distorted ones. It’s like driving at high-speed through a packed boulevard with many intersections where the stop lights work randomly. Someone is bound to crash.

I believe this is wrong with our beloved career women. They live under the false impression that they can do more and are entitled to more. They continue to run the infernal race toward that something without realizing that what is missing in their life is the price they must pay to run in the race, because these days everything costs, isn’t? Unfortunately when the error of ones way is obvious it’s so often too late to fix things. And then you feel the pain of failure. We suffer together, because even if we accepted or not, we are tied to one another, your pain can be my pain. We all live under the touch-and-go rule of life. We all are chased by the same executioner – the time. To do things we need not only time but we need the right time. And this is our humane tragedy – we are out of sync with our selves for the sake of enriching ourselves with a social label, for the false need to be socially accepted and recognized.

As a conclusion I can say that money do not bring happiness just like love still goes through the belly.


Written by Alexandru Dan

December 29, 2009 at 15:22

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